PREVENTING AND ENDING DOMESTIC ABUSE
READ EXCERPTS
Dating
…dating should feel light, joyful, and full of possibility — but it begins with knowing who you are. When you understand your own principles and values, you stop bending yourself to fit someone else’s expectations. Instead, you choose partners who honour your boundaries, respect your worth, and walk beside you rather than ahead of you. Prevention starts long before commitment — it starts with staying true to yourself…
Courtship
…courtship is the moment when excitement begins to settle into something more real. As the relationship deepens, a young woman must look beyond charm and chemistry to see how her partner truly aligns with her beliefs, her goals, and her sense of self. This is the stage where behaviour speaks louder than promises — where respect, consistency, and emotional safety become the true markers of compatibility. Prevention isn’t about fear; it’s about recognising whether the person beside you is growing with you or quietly pulling you away from who you are…
Engagement
…View engagement as a reckoning. Living together for the first time reveals both the pleasantries of shared routines and the sting of unexpected disappointments. This is the stage where small digressions matter — where honesty, accountability, and genuine affection must rise above excuses and emotional shortcuts. Before marriage becomes the next step, a woman must see clearly whether love is truly growing stronger… or whether she is standing at the edge of a mistake she never imagined…
Marriage
...It’s a time to understand the partnership has only become formally recoginised – not unlike any business partnership where two parties form a bond with expectations of a long-term successful relationship. Sadly, many women fail to understand the significance of conducting a courtship and engagement to have fully tested their true compatibility. A woman should understand early that the primal male possesses the physiological ability- once the marriage formalities are over- having developed a new mindset. Whereby his changed mentality becomes the catalyst for the introduction of domestic abuse through his lack of control. Don’t be fooled, as subtle as it may first appear to be, it has the hallmarks of something so much more intense and dangerous. Fortunately, you would now have gained the skills and knowledge from this book that will empower you to defeat his abuse and regain full control of your life on your terms…
Divorce
...so regarding young adults, it’s not that you grew apart, the reality is, you never grew together to begin with. You instead put the cart before the horse by getting married too soon, without truly knowing one another and becoming vulnerable to domestic abuse and not knowing how to deal with it. This book offers a different path mentoring young couples that marriage must be earned and not taken for granted. As it is for the longer-term marriages considering divorce to understand the need to show the same amount of intensity towards each other as they did when first confessing their love for one another. An excellent tradeoff for the usual anger and resentment, bringing out the worst in human beings during times of emotional despair and irrational behavior…
Control & Coercion
…Every woman needs to recognise the difference between genuine care and the kind of conversation that challenges her own wants and beliefs — and, more importantly, to notice how she feels both in the moment and afterwards. The complexities don’t end there; while one woman may accept what she hears without hesitation, a friend within earshot may feel something entirely different. That’s the world we live in. Yet the moment you take exception to his tone or delivery, it’s time to pause and ask yourself a simple question — is this care, or is this control…
Drugs & Alcohol
…so when the male returns home he feels vindicated by simply saying, “It’s ok love, I just went to the injection room supplied by the government, and they gave me needles to inject myself .” or “It's fine love, I just needed some time to sober up, so I went to the sobering up rooms provided by the government’. How ironic, when a male who abuses drugs and alcohol who can then go home feeling quite chuffed with himself and taking his substance abuse to the next level, - that’s domestic abuse. Why? Because he now feels vindicated, having been provided with preferential treatment and now feeling special. Yet in the family home, there’s no one to provide the same type of protection, or offer any sympathy to the one person who now needs it the most. That would be the forgotten defenseless woman, the wife/mother/partner. - The victim- and not forgetting the children. Of course that’s not quite true, because when they lower a woman’s body into her grave, all that preferential treatment, along with all the resources and sympathizers, will all be there - they just arrived far too late…
Dysfunctional Families
…there’s one purposeful antidote for families caught in a cycle of dysfunction, and that is to revive that once great family tradition, sitting together at the dinner table. One that encourages respect and provides the parents with the perfect platform with an opportunity to engage with the family as one. Bonding, settle indifferences, discuss personal problems, express goals and desires, provide support, share concerns, make recommendations and show encouragement. At its heart lay one quiet, unspoken sometimes forgotten truth - a current of love running beneath it all, not always declared, not always seen—just needing refreshing, leaving lasting indelible impressions-
Sexual Abuse
…Although we touched on assisting those young people who may be suffering from sexual abuse, this section is directly dedicated to those young people who are at that tender age, and who need additional guidance. Are you someone who is young and looking for some type of help and not knowing where to start, wanting answers but are too afraid to ask questions or to do anything. If your answer is yes then you’re not alone and there is help available so you can better understand, so make sure you continue to read. When you’re young, life can sometimes be confusing, but that’s ok, because you will grow fast and become so much stronger and smarter. It just takes a little time, but it will happen and while you are growing you will discover and understand more about what is right, and what is wrong. Do you know it’s wrong when someone touches you on your body in places where you don’t want to be touched? If this happens you might think you shouldn’t complain or say anything, but that’s not true, you must speak up as loud as you can and say… “DON’T TOUCH ME THERE”, then do whatever you can to get away from that person, as fast as you can…
The Elderly
…Be cautious when you hear the word “dementia.” It is a term that is sometimes used too casually — and occasionally by people who are unqualified or influenced by personal or financial motives. A diagnosis of cognitive decline can have serious implications, often limiting a person’s ability to make their own decisions and manage their own affairs. That is why remaining informed, and staying organised, making your wishes clear early in life is so important. By putting your plans in writing and ensuring your affairs are in order, you protect your independence and reduce the risk of others speaking on your behalf without your consent…
Single Mothers
…for many young women, the path to single motherhood begins long before the pregnancy itself. Despite recognising red flags, they may return to someone they once promised themselves they would avoid, eventually becoming intimate and finding themselves expecting a child — often with a partner who was never truly suitable or committed. The result is another young mother raising a child on her own, carrying responsibilities she never imagined. These patterns repeat not because these women are weak, but because they were never given the social skills, education, or guidance needed to recognise unhealthy behaviour or protect themselves from emotional or physical harm. The loneliness that follows can be overwhelming, especially when they realise they are navigating parenthood without the partner they hoped would stand beside them. It is easy for society to say, “It’s the parents’ job to teach their children,” but real life is far more complicated. Young people don’t always take their parents’ advice seriously, and many sixteen year old girls — though legally at the age of consent — are still developing the maturity and mental awareness needed to recognise manipulative or unethical behaviour. This lack of preparation leaves them vulnerable, often repeating the same painful cycle without understanding how to break free…
Rape
You're now extremely frightened and scared for your life, and all you want now is for it to end. So, at this point, you must use the only survival skill left to you, your cunning and your wits, so allow him to have his way. Yes, become submissive, he wants sex. Hopefully he wants nothing else, least of all any interruptions, so by antagonising him in any way will only intensify the already volatile situation. If he is being violent with you, say to him “You don’t have to be this way, treat me properly and you can make love to me”. Don’t stop there, say and do whatever it takes – within reason -to try and control the situation. His mentality is telling him he must be aggressive because he knowingly didn’t get your consent to have sex. That’s this male’s mentality with some males, never believing a woman would give her consent, and feeling he must satisfy his urges at any measure. Your life potentially hangs in the balance as you are now in too deep, so reverse psychology is now your best option, as being raped is generally temporary – however shocking - whereas being murdered is permanent. In a scenario as terrifying as this, staying composed - as difficult as that will be - is crucial. Appeal to his emotional side, if he has one, expressing yourself…